an angry letter to God

Dear God,

I'm so pissed off right now. Why? From the moment I began working at home I felt that my life stopped and the rest of the human race continued on with their lives. I was stuck in a limbo. To make things worse, I'm not earning as much as I used to.

This leads me to think that maybe I should go back working in the BPO industry again. I mean I still sleep until 3am. If I'm going to deprive myself of sleep I might as well be productive.

I'm just mad because I felt that I'm useless. Makes me think why did you ever create me in the first place? So that I could suffer? Or is this my fault? Have I been too impatient?

I mean all I ask is to have a job that pays well and at the same time I enjoy it. Is that too much to ask?

Why can't I just be like anyone else? With a job, a family maybe a car or two. I mean look at my brother, he has 3 kids, a wife and two vehicles, a high earning job and a smart brain.

Look at my older sister, she also has 3 kids, a husband, a stable job at a hospital and works in the US of A. So yeah she has a good life.

And there's another older sister who left home but I'm sure she's happier than I am.

Me? I'm just a stupid, wasted, fat and useless person who has not done anything right for the past twenty nine years of my life. I'm going to be thirty a month from now and so far I haven't gone anywhere at all.

Where's my own path?

You know I really want to chuck this perfect timing business in the trash and just stop caring. Maybe I should be an atheist so at least I won't have to expect something and then be let down or wait in agony. I could at least find success in my own efforts.

But the thing is, I can't. Not because of the looming threat of eternal damnation but it's not in me. Maybe being agnostic, sure.

I'm just wondering when I would know my purpose here. Because I feel it isn't to bum around and play Facebook applications to kill time.

What do you want from me? What do you want me to do?